President Oswald
- Name
- Oswald
- Pronoun
- Role/Title
- President
- Associated Projects
- Place From
News Reports
READY FOR THE WORST. In response to growing public concern about a potential attack from China, President Oswald announced a major funding initiative for the construction of FEMA-supported evacuation shelters near major population sites. "These shelters will provide a much-needed near safety points in an emergency," said a spokesperson for FEMA. "They're to be equipped with a secure basement that can resist heavy bombardment, able to fit hundreds of people, and equipped to survive gas and biological attacks. They have self-contained water and power, protective gear, and communications equipment. In short, they are public survivalist bunkers. We've very excited about this initiative."
EDITORIAL: DRUG USE SPIKE DUE TO ECONOMY. It's no secret that President Oswald's promises of a booming new tech economy have fallen flat on their face. Whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, we should all be ready to march on Washington and let Oswald know how we feel about broken promises and unemployment. Instead, people are drowning their sorrows in drugs, as usual, and nothing will change.
EDITORIAL: THE RISE OF THE RIGHT HAS BROUGHT US HERE. As the wounded white male ego becomes more and more of a self-stereotype, we see the cost of allowing right-wing sentiment echoed all around us. Through closet capitulation to the demands of the most extremist right-wing groups, President Oswald has made policies that allow foreign drugs to run rampant through our nation. Hiding under the guise of generally increased crime rates, conservative extremists have taken over our cities, stalking the streets at night and enacting vicious vigilante-style beatings on anyone they deem different.